Okay, you’ve improved your diet, consulted your health care provider about supplements, and you’ve given it all time to kick in (don’t forget that part), but you’re still feeling stressed.

I know in our ‘better living through chemistry’ culture, many of you may be ready to try the big gun pharmaceuticals as stress reducers, but before you do….

There are many homeopathic remedies and herbs that can reduce stress without all the side effects and potential addiction that comes with the usual anti-anxiety meds. When homeopathy works (it doesn’t always), it’s like magic. Certainly worth a try.

Visit a homeopath or naturopath who can make recommendations specifically for you. These things are very individual, and you really haven’t lived until you’ve been through a homeopathic assessment….comprehensive doesn’t even begin to describe it.

While I’m on the subject, acupuncture can be a wonderful stress reducer as well.

For minor stress you may find some over the counter products at places like Whole Foods but for the best possible outcome, work with a professional trained in alternative treatments.

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I know you know all this so take it as a friendly reminder.

By far the best way to get good nutrition is through the food you eat.

Now I’m no hard core food fanatic. Mostly I go for what I like and what makes me feel good, but there are some real basic, common sense adjustments you can make that can really help with stress reduction.

First eliminate caffeine and sugar.

I love my coffee and I understand how hard it can be to stop drinking it, but too much can really jangle the nerves. I’ve experienced and I’m pretty sure you have too. If stress is a problem in your life, try switching to decaf for a week and see if it makes a difference. If you can’t switch all at once, start with half high test and half decaf then gradually increase the decaf.

The same goes for sugar. Just run an experiment to see if eliminating it helps. Would it be worth living without your regular sugar rush if it reduced your overall stress? Think about it.

Next, look at what you’re eating. The best sources of the stress reducer nutrients you need are in whole grains, dairy, nuts (especially almonds), green veggies (broccoli is one of the best) and some fish. If these aren’t a regular part of your diet, then try adding a bit here and there to start. Some of it’s really yummy, and some an acquired taste, but all of it’s really good for you and can help to reduce your stress.

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Emotional resilience is tied to physical resilience so make sure you’re getting the nutrition you need to stay healthy. This is especially true when you’re in the middle of a crisis even though that may be the hardest time of all to eat well.

In my old copy of Nutrition Almanac, the list of nutrients recommended to reduce stress reads like the label of a multivitamin. So first make sure you’re getting your basic daily requirements. Of particular importance for stress reduction are B vitamins, calcium and magnesium.

Now don’t go out and buy these supplements and start taking them without some guidance. I am not a medical doctor, and even if I were, I couldn’t customize your treatment from a website. Capeesh? Consult your health care provider first.

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What nurtures and nourishes you most? In a recent post, The Dreaded To-Do List, I suggested that you do that activity first.

I can hear the cacophony of objections. Nobody thinks this stress reducer is a good idea when they first hear about. It’s selfish and self indulgent. There’s too much to do. It totally goes against the grain of our puritanical work ethic.

It is totally contrary to how most of us think about getting things done. What most of us do is try to bribe ourselves into doing the stuff we hate by waving the reward at the end.

The problem with that approach is that we really resent it. The drag of that resentment usually means we never get through the list to the reward. Then we beat ourselves up and tell ourselves we just don’t have the time. Wrong!

Why shouldn’t we resent it? We are denying ourselves real nourishment. It’s really is like not eating, and the way most people do this, it’s like never eating. Come on, how long can you function without eating from time to time?

When you deny yourself your favorite activity whether it’s creative work, exercise (only if you love it), spending time with a friend, making love (there’s a thought), or going for a walk on the beach with the dog (my personal favorite), you are denying yourself basic nourishment. When you deny yourself basic nourishment, you become inefficient, ineffective and resentful. This is not a recipe for genuine accomplishment or a stress free life.

Humor me here and just experiment with this for a couple of days even if you have to run the experiment on the weekend. Do something you love and make it the first thing you do every day. Then follow up with your to-do’s.

Come back and tell us what happens.

If you’re like most of us, you will find that everything else you have to do during the day, becomes easier and less stressful. You will become more efficient so you get all that stuff done more quickly. You might even find that you have more time at the end of the day to do something else that’s fun. It can really make that much difference.

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Last time I suggested you get more sleep, but what if you’re having trouble sleeping?

This little trick works for falling asleep, going back to sleep or any other time you may be feeling stress, anxiety or fear. Works pretty well for diffusing anger too.

Here it is…EXHALE.

Yup, that’s it.

Focus on the exhale using the abdominal muscles and diaphragm to exhale completely then get out of the way and allow the inhalation to take care of itself.

Some people find it helpful to exhale through the mouth and inhale through the nose, but it’s not essential. You can breathe in and out through the nose. Either way, the key is to exhale completely.

You don’t need a lot of time to do this one either. Two or three breathes are often enough to trigger relaxation.

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In the realm of stress reduction, this is probably the most neglected stress reducer of all…SLEEP!

Somehow in this culture we have come to believe six hours of sleep is enough even though research suggests most adults need 8-9 hours a night. Study after study shows a relationship between lack of sleep and car accidents, lack of productivity and stress.

Let’s face it, we are bombarded by external stressors all day, everyday. Any change, good or bad, can cause stress. Lack of sleep increases those stress levels dramatically.

I’m not one to preach without asking you to verify what I’m saying for yourself. First of all you won’t be motivated to change anything unless you get it in your cells that a change is needed. Furthermore, the solutions are not a one size fits all. You have to figure out what is really going to work for you in any given situation.

So don’t take my word for it. Just step back and think about what you’re like when you’re sleep deprived. If you’re like me, every little thing hits you wrong. You’re more apt to get angry or irritated. You’re probably more likely to feel depressed. You are definitely less productive which impacts your self esteem. Unanticipated glitches send you into a orbit. Sound familiar?

When you’re sleep deprived you have no emotional reserves with which to deal with the routine demands of your life, never mind the unexpected.

This is probably easier to see if your sleep deprivation is only occasional. You have some basis for comparison. You can see the difference between the days you’re well rested and the days you’re not.

If you’re chronically sleep deprived you may not even be able to recognize the signs of this kind of stress, but if you’re experiencing any of the above and are getting less than 8 hours sleep a night, maybe it’s time to experiment.

Would you be willing to experiment for a week? Just a week. I’m not asking for a lifetime commitment. That’s up to you after the experiment.

For now would you be willing to go to bed earlier, sleep later or start napping? Or maybe experiment with all three and see what really works for you.

However you choose to do it, see if you notice a difference? See what happens to your stress levels and your general functioning.

I would be willing to bet that you will reduce your stress and be more efficient and effective in what you do during the day. I would also guess that you will enjoying life a whole lot more.

If you decide to run this experiment, please come back and let us know how you did it and what you discovered. None of us are in this alone, and sharing can help clarify the results for you and help someone else in the process.

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If you’re drowning under the weight of your to-do list…throw it out.

You got that right…throw it out. Right now. Just dump it.

If you are one of those people (like I used to be) who has a to-do list you could use to measure the circumference of the earth, throw it out.

That’s not to say we don’t all need some reminders but we don’t need that kind of list.

Here are some ways to deal with the dreaded to do list…

1. Rename it. I call mine the “Daily Palette” and just like a painter’s palette, I pick and choose, mix and match throughout the day. When approached this way, it’s more like a tickler file to remind you than it is the ball and chain of shoulds and have to’s. Now that’s a stress reducer!

2. Eliminate everything that keeps going to the bottom of the list. Honestly, if you haven’t done it by now, how important is it? Feel the load getting lighter?

3. Rather than a list at all, stay focused on your ultimate goal. Every morning ask yourself what one step you can take today in the direction of that goal. Then do it.

4. What nurtures and nourishes you most? Do that activity first. Then do your to-do’s.

Focusing on the goal and next step as well as nurturing yourself first, make all those little niggling details, easier to accomplish. Don’t believe me? Give it a try.

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Today it’s been on the news, in magazines and just about everywhere you can imagine…

That’s right…kissing Is a stress reducer. Yeah! The rest is also a stress reducer, but since this is a family friendly site, I will leave that to your imagination and creativity.

Opening the heart is a very fine stress reducer as well.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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How’s that for paradox?

It occurred to me this morning that my last couple of posts might have landed in a great big muddy bog of resistance…you know the kind that grabs hold of your foot and won’t let go. (pardon the analogy but southern Rhode Island has turned into a mud bog that would do Vermont proud as all the snow has melted in 2 days time)

Maybe I’m wrong, but I’ve worked with enough clients over the years to know the triggers.

Truth be told I relish triggering people’s stuff because it’s where real change happens. That’s what people hire me for…to challenge them deeply.

So if you’re going to hang around, you need to be forewarned…I will challenge you deeply, I will ask tough questions and I will push you out of your comfort zone…at least some of the time.

Here’s how I look at it…if you’ve found your way here looking for a stress reducer technique, then what you’ve tried so far hasn’t been working for you. Either that or you haven’t been able to implement it successful (often the problem).

So I hope to help on both counts…challenge you to dig more deeply into the underlying causes where real healing happens AND help you implement the more commonly touted stress reducers in a way that really works.

So now can you go back and listen to the stress reducer exercise? See if, maybe, it lands differently this time.

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When things are uncertain our natural inclination is to push toward the desired outcome. The problem is that when we’re afraid of the other possible outcomes we feel stress, anxiety and fear to such an extent that effective action becomes virtually impossible. 

By accepting the worst, energy is freed up to deal effectively with the situation at hand.

You really need to experience this to get it, so I invite you to take 15 minutes (actually just a bit over 13 minutes) to listen to this audio. Find a comfortable place to sit and follow along with the exercise.

Reminder – Jumping into the biggest, scariest scenario is usually too much so approach this exercise gently and begin with something other than the big 3 stresses…relationships, health and finances. As you become more comfortable with the concept and have some direct experience, you can move on to larger issues.

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I’ve always been one for jumping right in so here it goes. 

I know I’m starting with one of the toughest ways to reduce stress, and I will get to some of the easier stress reducers as we go along, but the lack of certainty in our lives is probably the most potent cause of stress, anxiety and fear. Befriending that lack of certainty is one of the most effective ways to reduce stress.

So let’s see if I can make some sense of this…

What do you think is more stressful…losing your job or fearing you might lose your job? …a relationship that has ended or worrying about it ending?…worrying about being sick or actually getting a dreaded diagnosis?

You catch my drift, yes?

Uncertainty always creates more stress even when certainty brings with it the most feared outcome.

When my mother was diagnosed with cancer in 1984, the first 4 months were much harder than the last 4. Why? 

In the beginning we knew she might die, but we had hope she might not. By February of 1985, we knew she was dying, and that was infinitely easier to deal with than the not knowing. Don’t get me wrong, it was not the outcome we as a family wanted, but knowing what we were dealing with and what we were preparing for was so much easier than not knowing.

Sounds a bit counterintuitive doesn’t it? Who wants to face their worst fears? Not too many of us, but it’s the unwillingness to face those fears that creates some of our most overwhelming stress.

So what to do? 

Tomorrow I’ll share a brief stress reducer exercise to help you make peace with uncertainty and reduce your stress by facing your fears. We’ll start small I promise.

In the meantime, think about uncertainty as a cause of your stress. Does it make sense to you? What about the idea of facing your worst fears? If you are so inclined, please share your thoughts and reactions.

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Have you noticed how stress, anxiety and fear have gone viral? 

Yes, I know you have, but that doesn’t mean you have to catch it. 

In addition to a real live financial crisis, we are being fed a steady diet of doom and gloom that keeps magnifying the problem. It’s something akin to sitting in an echo chamber where all you hear is “Be afraid, be very afraid” over and over and over again.

It’s not good for the nervous system. It’s not good for anyone’s physical health. And it doesn’t do much for our emotional lives as well.

The worst part is that when we are overwhelmed by stress, anxiety and fear, we don’t think clearly. That means that we are less able to make good choices in the face of real life problems.

Mastering stress, anxiety and fear is what the Stress Reducer Blog is all about. That doesn’t mean beating it into submission. It does mean taking steps to diminish it’s effects so you can make good decisions for you and your family. 

I know lots about stress, anxiety and fear, but I communicate it best in dialogue. So let me know what’s on your mind. Let me know what you need right now to reduce your level of stress and meet the current challenges in your life. I would love to hear from you, and I would love to help.

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